The Jolly Wanker
Kaptin Kwanza
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Function Spacecraft
Creator Unknown
Past Owners Unknown

The Jolly Wanker is the spacecraft belonging to the skeleton pirate Kaptin Kwanza. He first used the ship when he was a member of the original Hero Force One team. The ship is very advanced, despite its small size, however it was easily captured by the Oh My Love!'s tractor beam when Kaptin Kwanza pursued the salmitton named Clear.



The ship is a smaller craft, about the size of a transport ship rather than a capital ship[CatH 1].


Laser Cannons

Lasers are a standard armament for many ships, and The Jolly Wanker is equipped with them too[CatH 2].

Signature Trace

A signature trace is a device that allows a ship to trace the jump signature of any other vessel that makes a jump within its vicinity[CatH 1].


Britt: The Legend


Clear and the Hopeless

Main article: Clear and the Hopeless (Story Arc)

When Clear appeared before Kaptin Kwanza and his crew in a dank bar of a spaceport, she offered to trade him rare Martian goods for fuel. However one of his crewmen realised that she was actually a Martian herself, the last of her kind, and therefore worth far more than any goods from Mars. They chased Clear, and her friend Green, through the spaceport but they escape aboard an old transport ship, The Bug. Once in space, Kwanza chased them down in The Jolly Wanker. He fired a warning shot that almost crippled the old Bug but the salmitton made her escape by crashing into the hangar of the gigantic ship The Hopeful and jumping out of the system[CatH 2]. The Jolly Wanker is able to pursue The Hopeful through warp with its signature trace, a device able to trace the warp signature of another ship. However when it arrives the crew find that Clear is aboard her Bug again, this time she's fleeing from a third ship called the Oh My Love!. The Bug, despite being old and decrepit, has a tractor-shear installed that allowed Clear to escape the Oh My Love!'s tractor beam. Despite all the advanced technology of The Jolly Wanker, a tractor-shear is something it doesn't have. When The Oh My Love! couldn't catch the Bug, it tractored The Jolly Wanker instead[CatH 1].


Britt's Commentary

"The Jolly Wanker was named almost perfectly for the personality of Kaptin Kwanza. It actually first appeared in Clear and the Hopeless (Story Arc), though chronologically it was first used by Kwanza when he was a member of Hero Force One - written in later for the Britt: The Legend mini-series within Never-ending Story^2. The ship was a means to an end - the continued piratey adventures of Kwanza after he leaves Britt." - Britt the Writer


Clear and the Hopeless References

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 CatH Post 9, CatH Page 1, Clear and the Hopeless (Story Arc), Clear and the Hopeless written by Britt the Writer.
  2. 2.0 2.1 CatH Post 5, CatH Page 1, Clear and the Hopeless (Story Arc), Clear and the Hopeless written by Britt the Writer.
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