Pan Post 87 continues the contest between the God-Monarchs with the fight between Joseph David Shmoe and Chimaat. Knowing that he is no true God-Monarch, Dave tries to worm out of the fight through excuses involving Din. Din, however, wants him to fight. He instantly gives up from fear, which the other God-Monarchs mistake for chivalry. Chimaat transports herself and Dave to the end of his lifespan. She didn't think it would work but they find his dead body. But also the bodies of other God-Monarchs, members from the Stronghold of Powerplayers, soldiers of the High Empire, The Imperium and Mega Jonestown Prime. She believes Dave wanted her to see this and so she thanks him and returns to the Middle Ground. Chimaat instantly surrenders the match to Dave.


Chimaat vs. Dave

Chimaat: "We'll go next!"

Dave: "No! I mean, uh... Din still needs to be di--"

The golden goddess stops chewing on her turnip to raise an eyebrow at Dave.

Dave: "--n. ...yes, Din still needs to be Din."

Everyone else raises an eyebrow at Dave.

Dave: "Which, uh, means Chimaat and I should keep feeding her turnips. Too bad! Guess we'll just have to take that raincheck, heh heh."

Din: "Dave make no sense. I like this!"

Dave: "Well there you have it! Guess someone else--"

Din: "Dave and Chia-mat fight now!"

Dave: "Wha...?"

Imeryn: "Well there you have it!"

Dave: "But-but-but-... turnips!"

Din: "Got turnip!"

To make her point, Din holds up a partially-eaten turnip in her hands.

Chimaat: "I've been looking forward to practicing my latest technique. I call it..."

A dark shadow falls across her face as she stares into Dave's soul.

Chimaat: "Time's Up."

The shadow dispels, and she takes Dave's hand with an innocent smile.

Chimaat: "I hope you like it!"

Dave sweats profusely as she leads him onto the arena grounds, glancing about as if trying to find an exit. Imeryn rings the gong.

Imeryn: "Begin!"

Dave: "I GIVE UP!"

He falls to the ground. Imeryn and some of the other God-Monarchs mistake his fear of his mortality for shyness and chivalry, and begin to applaud.

Imeryn: "How noble of you, Dave! I approve your gallant behavior towards my daughter."

Lo: "Gaaaaaaay!"

Dave: "Huh? I mean--yes, of course. Clearly, you see the reason for my reluctance. And now that I've given up, the match--"

Imeryn: "--will proceed. By which I mean the fight, of course. Don't think I'll let you match with my daughter so easily in other matters, dear!"

She winks at him.

Dave: "But you said if-if-if someone gave up--"

Imeryn: "I said the combatants would fight UNTIL one gave up. No fight has happened yet, noble Dave. Give us at least a little show, won't you? I promise you that even you won't so easily hurt my daughter."

Dave: "Oh, I know. This is it. It was nice while it lasted..."

Imeryn: "Now, BEGIN!"

She rings the gong once more. The surroundings darken as Chimaat surrounds herself and Dave with turnips carved into surprisingly spooky lanterns floating in the air, each a Grim Reaper[Ext 1] more terrifying in their mockery of human sensibilities of what makes for dramatic tone. Still, there's plenty else to make up for such apparent mockery, such as the echoing tick-tock of some Absolute Clock, and some of the ruins themselves wildly fluctuating between being newly-carved and even more ruinous. As her technique apparently finishes, a deep chiming reverberates through the air.

Chimaat: "Time's up."

A flash. Chimaat and Dave are gone.

When Dave opens his eyes, he sees Chimaat still standing before him, apparently somewhat confused. Dave at this time can't get much of his other bearings together to figure out where he is, only that he doesn't seem to be at the Middle Ground anymore.

Chimaat: "Your methods are odd, indeed. I presumed that my technique, to alter your lifespan to skip right to its personal end, would not succeed on someone like you, but not in this manner. I expected negation or perhaps substitution for one of your other Daves, and yet we seem to be in some other time and place, one I'm not familiar with..."

Dave: "Uh, hey, we all make mistakes, right? I hear sometimes this whole time-jumping of yours can leave you a bit loopy--not that I'm implying anything! I mean, let's just go back where we came from, where I can give up for real and just move on with--"

Chimaat: "It seems my technique worked after all. Maybe I can learn from this."

Dave: "What do you mean by--HOLY ****!"

Lying before him, Dave sees his own dead body. He verges on spewing further obscenities or other noises of panic, and fails to do so. Instead, only one question escapes his lips.

Dave: "W-what's the meaning behind this?"

Chimaat: "No, I'm not meant to learn of just your death here, am I? Because it's not just you, here."

True to her words, Dave now makes out the corpses of other God-Monarchs. But not just of God-Monarchs, but of the members of the Council of Powerplayers as well, of the fallen armies and fleets of the High Empire, of Mega Jonestown Prime, of former Imperium, of countless other indomitable powers of the NeSiverse and beyond, littered against their reality itself burning away.

Chimaat: "I can see mother and father. Weak, and still fighting. Themselves? No... this can't be..."

She turns to Dave, grasping him by the sides of his arms.

Chimaat: "I see now you wanted me to know of this doom."

Dave: "About that--"

Chimaat: "I must resolve to avert this future. I'll take you back and yield to you so that I may start at once."

Dave: "Wait, we can't do that. Maybe we can call it a draw and both be out--"

Chimaat: "No, we mustn't draw attention from anyone who might be orchestrating this ultimate tragedy you've had me witness. Suspicion will raise if I've won or even drawn the fight. This is the only way."

Dave: "But--"

Chimaat: "Thank you."

With that, Chimaat sends herself and Dave back to when and where they came from...

When the two return, Dave attempts to yell, but Chimaat's voice drowns his out.


Imeryn and some of the other God-Monarchs clap in polite appreciation. Dave hangs his head in defeat, which Imeryn and some of the others have taken for humility.

Chimaat: "I apologize, mother, but I have business with the Turnip Tsar I neglected prior to this event, and I wish to ensure my new followers are tended to in this early stage. May I take my leave?"

Imeryn: "If you must, dear. I know you have your own young and idealistic thoughts on what it means to be a god, however misguided they might be. Go then, before I change my mind."

Chimaat bows, then makes for her leave.

Imeryn: "I do say, I hope whomever of you goes next drags out their match a little more than that one -- no offense, dear Dave, I know you meant well."

Dave sulks in the stands.


External References

  1. Grim Reaper article, Wikipedia.
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