In Pan Post 165 Al Ciao the Writer replaces Britt the Writer's head with a gigantic orange and thus wins the right to call the post 'Origins' instead of 'Oranges', as Britt the Writer had done in both Pan Post 163 and Pan Post 164. In the Story of Space Camelot, King Arthur's troupe is coming up behind the enemy lines of King Claudas while he is engaged in battle against King Bors in the land of Berry. Lancelot du Lac makes comment about the attractiveness of Queen Guinevere but recants when he realises she is Arthur's wife. When Sirs Bedivere, Kay and Palamedes return to the group they ride out to attack - except Guinevere and Lady Bertilak who head for safer ground. Lancelot proves himself a most skilled warrior, stealing many horses from their riders, while Sir Bors wields the fearsome Durandal against the enemy with his brother, Prince Lionel, behind him. Arthur, upon the back of Llamrei and wielding Clarent, manages to capture King Claudas himself. He instantly begged for mercy and has all the hallmarks of a coward. They then debate whether to take him captive or execute him, with Sir Bors wanting to keep him captive as the knightly thing to do while his brother wants to kill the man.


Space Camelot

Oranges Part III

Characters: King Arthur | Queen Guinevere | Prince Mordred | Morganna le Fay | Merlin the Younger | Sir Kay | Sir Lancelot | Sir Bedivere | Sir Galahad | Sir Tristram | Sir Caelia | Sir Red Rose Knight | Sir Black Knight | Sir Faerie Knight | Andy | Admiral Ltexi | Gamma Pans | King Mark | Queen Iseult | Sir Gawain | Sir Robin | Sir Greene Knight | Isolde of the White Hands | Sir Palamedes | Newrias | King Óenegus | Princess Guinevak | King Lot | King Urien | King Caradoc | Queen Morgause | Prester John | The Red Cross Knight | Sir Ector | Bors the Elder | King Hoel | Sir Bors | King Rience | King Leodegrance | Anna Pendragon | King Claudas | Prince Lionel | Lady Bertilak | Nyneve | Niall Gilroy

Al Ciao the Writer suddenly whips out a colossal orange and, before Britt the Writer could do anything about it, he slams the big fruit upon BrittTW's head. Now there is BrittTW's head with a massive orange for a head.

The orange swivels to glare at Al CiaoTW. The orange may glare without facial features, but it is glaring nonetheless.

Al Ciao the Writer: "I am victorious! Origins!"

Gebohq the Writer: "I don't care what you call the post, just so long as you post something! That way nobody will notice I haven't made the new website yet!"

Al Ciao the Writer and Orange-head the Writer both turn to glare at Gebohq the Writer.

Gebohq the Writer: "Um... bye!"

GebohqTW makes a swift exit.

Space Camelot

Origins (formerly known as Oranges) Part III

King Arthur rides atop of his young steed, Llamrei. The horse came from King Leodegrance as part of Guinevere's dowry. Arthur had insisted he didn't need any gifts from the old king, but Llamrei had been too fine a horse to pass up. He is a very young buck but already he has fine muscles and stamina suitable for any king of Britannia.

Lady Bertilak is riding with Anna Pendragon, which is the most appropriate scenario as allowing her to ride with a man might cause a minor scandal when they reach King Bors. Prince Lionel is riding behind his brother, Sir Bors, though Arthur detects a great animosity ebbing from the younger brother of his loyal knight. Sir Lancelot is behind Arthur, though only after considerable effort in stopping the brash knight from claiming the reins of Llamrei. Luckily Arthur's newest knight isn't wearing any armour, else the poor horse might be struggling.

Sir Lancelot: "My liege! I hope I can serve thee well in my coming tenure!"

King Arthur: "You're brave and loyal, Sir Lancelot. I think we'll get on just fine!"

Sir Lancelot: "But tell me, my king, who is yonder sexy-- I mean, fair maiden?"

Arthur follows Lancelot's gaze and then swells with pride.

King Arthur: "Aha! My wife! Queen Guinevere!"

The colour drains from Lancelot's face.

Sir Lancelot: "Oh! Forgive me, sire! I didn't realise she was yours."

King Arthur: "I wouldn't say she's mine. She is my wife though. I'm a lucky, lucky man."

Sir Lancelot: "Indeed you are..."

Lancelot grows quiet.

King Arthur: "Do you like cheese, Sir Lancelot?"

Sir Lancelot: "I'm French, sire. Of course I like cheese!"

King Arthur: "You are my new best friend."

When the lost knights, Sirs Bedivere, Kay and Palamedes, finally make their valiant - albeit bedraggled - return, the group are able to head for the borderland of Berry where King Bors would be engaged in battle against the forces of King Claudas. The bulk of Claudas' forces would still be in Brittany, fighting against King Hoel, but King Claudas and his elite troops are here, defending Berry.

When they reach the battlefield, they can see the forces engaged in battle upon a wide field of wheat. At the rear of both forces are their commanders and, as luck would have it, Arthur has come up behind the lines of King Claudas.

Sir Kay: "I think we should form a plan to sneak up on--"

Sir Palamedes: "Hi-ho Silver, and awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!"

Sir Kay finds he is the only one left behind.

Sir Kay: "Or we can charge in head first and get killed. Great job guys."

As Sir Kay falls in behind everyone else, only Guinevere, along with Lady Bertilak, peel off to get to safety. Being the only two non-combatants they would need to find somewhere well away from the battle. Anna Pendragon, to the surprise of everyone bar Arthur, rides out with the knights. As she nears the wheat field her hands glow brilliantly white and Arthur gets the distinct impression that there suddenly seems to be more soldiers in battle than there had been earlier.

Many of the enemy knights hear the incoming squad and turn to meet Arthur. As Llamrei nears, Lancelot leaps off of the horse and ploughs into an enemy rider to steal the mount. Arthur uses Clarent to slash at foes, though the weapon isn't meant for use against such heavily armoured units.

Sir Bors' weapon is far more effective against these mounted knights as the faussart is extremely heavy and adapt at beating as much as slashing. The sword, named Durendal, proves to be a mighty weapon in the hands of the excellent knight. Lionel, however, has to constantly dodge swings from both the enemy and his brother.

Arthur avoids most of the fight and, instead, charges through the staggered enemy line. He ducks a wild swing from a knight before he is within the sights of the enemy king - Claudas himself. The king of Berry is a tall man of thin features and a head of bright, platinum hair. Upon his brow is the crown of Berry, which tells Arthur that man is foolish and prideful. What maniac king brings his most precious possession to a battlefield?

Arthur quickly stashes his own crown in Llamrei's saddlebag.

Claudas starts screaming at his nearest bodyguards to protect him and Arthur soon faces an enemy attack. He thrusts Clarent through the narrow visor of a knight's helmet. To Arthur's surprise the man dies and then gets up again. Arthur is about to run the man through again but the knight starts to attack his fellow Frenchmen.

Anna Pendragon: "Don't worry about him, brother."

Arthur looks to his sister and finally comprehends what those white hands are all about. For a brief moment he considers the moral implications of this necromancy and the divine dilemma that it ought to cause in his soul. Then he decides how useful this skill is in a battle and starts attempting to inflict more grave wounds upon his foes to turn them into allies.

Lancelot rides up and then, once again, pounces form his horse onto another knight to wrestle the man off of it.

King Arthur: "You do like stealing horses don't you?"

They glance behind to see a lot of riderless horses milling about.

Sir Lancelot: "The horses are better off."

Sir Bors, with Lionel behind him, is now incoming. He dashes straight by the French knights and takes a swing at King Claudas. Claudas avoids the attack by leaping from his horse and landing in the wheat.

All of the knights, friends and foe alike, pause as they watch, in disbelief, as the King of Berry runs off.

When Arthur manages to collect himself, he says;

King Arthur: "I accept your surrender, brave knights of Berry! Even if your land has a a ridiculous name."

Prince Lionel: "We can't let that man escape, brother! After him!"

Sir Bors: "We're not here for vengeance, Lionel."

But the conflict in Bors' face was evident. Arthur decides to ease the knight's chagrin.

King Arthur: "After that man!"

Arthur's retinue is off in an instant.

Claudas starts squealing as he sees he's being chased until, finally, he makes the mistake of running straight at Guinevere. She promptly kicks him from horseback and he tumbles over in a heap. Sir Bors dismounts and approaches the fallen king, his sword poised.

Claudas cranes his neck and bows to the knight.

King Claudas: "Please show mercy, good knight! I am an unarmed--"

He stops short, remembers he has his sword at his side and the tosses it away.

King Claudas: "--an unarmed man!"

Everyone sweat-drops, manga style.

King Arthur: "The honourable thing to do would be to take him prisoner."

Anna Pendragon: "But he deserves death, brother! He is a snivelling peacock!"

Queen Guinevere: "Then he shall live with that shame."

King Claudas: "Yes! Yes, my lady, I am ashamed. Totally ashamed."

Prince Lionel: "He doesn't care! He's already planning on his escape. He needs to be executed."

Sir Bors: "It would be dishonourable to kill an unarmed man that just surrendered."

Prince Lionel: "He tortured me! And you'd let him live!?"

Sir Bors is silent, conflicted.

Anna Pendragon: "Well someone better do something, otherwise I think this guy is going to crap himself."


Britt's Commentary

"I mistakenly refer to Llamrei as a male horse in this post, but she was earlier established as female.

Lancelot's penchant for horse stealing was a parody from an early chapter in Le Morte d'Arthur[Ext 1], by Thomas Malory[Ext 2], where the knights kept stealing horses from each other for several pages of text." ~ Britt the Writer


External References

  1. Le Morte d'Arthur article, Wikipedia.
  2. Thomas Malory article, Wikipedia.
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