It is Highnoel in Pan Post 112 for the High Empire - their most celebrated festival for twelve days. Highemperor is with some of his daughters when his notices that Alitaur Daughter #3 is missing and her half-sisters cover for her and the other alitaur daughters who are missing. The alitaur daughters are 'size queens' and interested only in men with a large penis. Elsewhere in the Stronghold of Powerplayers, Alitaur Daughter #3 is actually with one of the Powerplayers, Carian Myste. Though Carian Myste believes Highemperor would allow his daughter to become queen of his harem, Alitaur Daughter #3 refuses to allow Carian to tell Highemperor of their affair. In the Phortress of Phractal, Phractal is surprised that the Eternal Pantheon have not thrown another party on him premises. He goes in search of HorseGod, who organises the parties, but CharacterGod tells him HorseGod is engaged. HorseGod is actually with Alitaur Daughter #42 and after having sex she speeds across the Deep Void back to Urbs Dei. Alitaur Daughter #666 is with Aellisin Koure but she is perturbed by his changed state, which occurred in CatH Post ?. She is not deterred from sex though. On Tatooine, another alitaur daughter has arrived to have sex with the Big O, especially because of his tentacles. On one of the spacestations around Jupiter Secretary D'ave is also with an alitaur daughter and they are almost caught by a phonecall. Secretary D'ave's patron god, Dave the God-Monarch, is in Mega Jonestown Prime and can hear Minos Mootchief having sex with someone. Moments later and Alitaur Daughter #3.14159 arrives at Dave's bedchambers looking sweaty and worn out but still in the mood to have sex with Dave. They are interrupted when someone knocks on the door. The woman, much to Dave's surprise, kisses him but she realises she has come to the wrong time period and vanishes. He didn't know it then but this would turn out to be Chimaat.


Size Princesses

The imaginatively named capital city of the High Empire, Urbs Dei, is blanketed in soft white snow. The megalopolis however is eternally springy in climate, so the snowfalls were magically conjured and enchanted to never melt while outdoors for the duration of the holiday.

For a holiday season it is: the 12 Days of Highnoel, which prompts the largest and grandest celebrations throughout the entire High Empire. It is a day celebrating the founding of the High Empire, its glorious lord Highemperor, and the magnificent love he and his subjects hold for one another.

A cynic might suggest that it is nothing but pomp served to bolster the ego of a narcissistic ruler. Regardless, it is a time of feasting, gift-giving, and romance.

In the Stronghold of Powerplayers, Highemp's daughters are gathered around him as he passes out presents and reads stories to the younger ones.

Random Daughter #1: Gee, thanks, Daddy! This is exactly what I wanted!

Highemp: You're very welcome, honey. I love you. Now then, my next gift is for... Alitaur Daughter #3!

He looks around the vast throng of his offspring, but does not see her, nor does she appear.

Highemp: Where is Alitaur Daughter #3?

Random Audience Member: Oh come on! How misogynistic can you get? Just number designations for his own kids?!

The writer is too lazy to come up with real names, and even if he bothered, you can bet that Britt the Writer wouldn't be able to spell them.

Random Audience Member: I concede the point...

Random Daughter #2: Em...she went to do a ritual for Highnoel.

Random Daughter #3: And all of her alitaur sisters too.

Highemp: Ah, well, it is the multiversal meta-zodiac alignment every Highnoel, which bodes well for the magically inclined such as they. I suppose I will give them their gifts later.

His many daughters look shiftily at each other. They are covering up for their alitaur half-sisters, who are Highemp's progeny by the Seven Sorcerous Sisters of Serleria. The alitaur daughters, who number in the dozens, are all randy size queens.

Considering that ALL alitaurs are size queens - because otherwise the race would never procreate, given the horse dongs of the males - this shouldn't be terribly surprising. Particularly since their father is a sexpot himself, and their mothers constantly derive pleasure and magical power from sexing said sexpot father.

But like any young women living under their parents' thumbs, they sneak around for their liaisons.

Elsewhere in the Stronghold of Powerplayers, Alitaur Daughter #3 is curled up with Carian Myste in his bedchambers.

Carian Myste: I really had better go, dear. It's after midnight, and I haven't even loaded the astral sleigh yet.

Carian Myste - also known as Entity #3, one of the Powerplayer Gods on the High Pantheon of the Throne - is a Santa figure in the High Empire, bearing gifts all across the High Empire. He is a bit of an idealist, and his mentor Highemp sees his old idealism live on in his protégé.

It should come as no surprise then, that a protégé of Highemp's has a big package and a harem of his own.

Alitaur Daughter #3: Aw, stay a little longer? Highnoel is one of the few times I can sneak out for a few days at a time, what with that rubbish meta-zodiac ritual ruse.

Carian Myste: I really wish you'd let me tell your father. He trusts me, and I don't feel comfortable letting him down. I'm sure he'd see our love and let me instate you as queen of my harem.

Alitaur Daughter #3: Well, if you don't feel comfortable screwing me, just say so.

Carian Myste: I didn't mean THAT...

Alitaur Daughter #3 smiles coyly.

Alitaur Daughter #3: Then stay with me a bit longer...

Carian Myste: Very well, For you, my dear...

Several multiverses away, in the expanse known as the Deep Void, the crystalline Phortress of Phractal hovers in the blackness. Phractal sits on his throne as he always does.

Phractal: Given that this Everdate corresponds with extravagant annual celebrations throughout a great deal of the multiverse, I'm surprised that those dratted squatters--

By which he means the Eternal Pantheon of narrative deities, who live in the Phortress.

Phractal: --haven't thrown another horribly messy party.

Yet the vast throne room is empty. Phractal frowns, then shifts his awareness to another chamber in his space castle. He is nearly everywhere at once, and by focusing his attention, he appears in this separate chamber, while still sitting on his throne.

Phractal: Eternius, I--

He stops. Eternius is not there. Phractal does not sigh, not being human enough to possess such a trait, and shifts his attention/presence to another chamber.

CharacterGod: WriterGod dammit, man! Don't you ever knock?

The CharacterGod has spilt his ink-tea all over himself, and irritably waves his fingers to clean it up.

Phractal: Where's Eternius?

CharacterGod: Off narrating - excuse me, 'omnarrating as he puts it - for the High Empire. Don't tell me you actually wanted to see him?

Phractal: Of...of course not. I was simply curious why there wasn't some raucous celebration tonight?

CharacterGod: HorseGod puts together all the parties. He knows who to invite, who to get to cater, what bands to get, and so forth. The rest of us just make stories about parties. We don't get to actually party unless he sets it up.

Phractal: Then where is HorseGod?

CharacterGod: For an omnipresent deity, you sure are clueless sometimes...HorseGod has, shall we say, company. And I suggest that you don't look in on him, rumor has it that he's into some weird bondage.

Phractal shudders.

Elsewhere in the crystalline space castle, the door to HorseGod's chambers open, and Alitaur Daughter #42 saunters out. She turns around and blows a kiss.

Alitaur Daughter #42: Thanks for that rockin' good time, babe.

HorseGod: Can't you stay a little longer?

It should come as no surprise to anyone that someone called the HorseGod is, well, hung like a horse.

Alitaur Daughter #42: I'd love to, but I need to get back now or Daddy will start to suspect something's up. You wouldn't want him to find out and get mad at you, would you?

HorseGod blanches.

Alitaur Daughter #42: Thought not. Happy Highnoel!

She prances through the crystalline corridors and leaps from the gates into the void, before sparkling into warpspeed across the Deep Void back to Urbs Dei.

Elsewhere in the Deep Void, the NeSiverse is a comparatively small sparkling jewel. On its edge orbit the Outer Galaxies, in which is the planet Tatooine, capital of the NeSiverse and home of the Big O's palace. In the grand audience chamber, where Fladnag the White stands by the throne and holds court with various petitioners, a Gamorrean guard runs up to the demigod mage, and blubbers frantically.

Gamorrean Guard: Fladnag, sir! A High Empire vessel has just jumped insystem!

Fladnag the White: You REALLY don't have to tell me that.

Gamorrean Guard: I'm sorry to bring bad news, sir! But something must be done!

Fladnag fixes the Gamorrean with a close stare. He can't tell one of them apart from any other.

Fladnag the White: You're new here, aren't you?

Gamorrean Guard: Yes, sir! Transferred from another galaxy just last week!

Fladnag the White: Your fellows have been lax in telling you how things work around here. That High Empire ship is not a threat. There is a... personage... aboard, who desires congress with the Big O, and routinely visits him.

Gamorrean Guard: What-- Oh. But I didn't know the High Empire had Alien Japanese Expies[Ext 1]!

Fladnag the White: As vast as they are, they surely have them somewhere. But no, this is not an Alien Japanese Expy. She is a... high-ranking noble.

Gamorrean Guard: But if she's not an Alien Japanese Expy, why would she be interested in the Big O?

Fladnag the White: Because she is a size queen - or perhaps size princess would be more accurate - and the Big O has rather... large... tentacles...

The poor Gamorrean guard looks like he's about to puke. Fladnag dismisses him and turns back to the line of petitioners.

Elsewhere in the NeSiverse lies the Milky Way galaxy. On the planet Tangris, a docile reptilian alien sits placidly in his cell, awaiting trial by his Aeon Lord captors.

A shimmering heralds the teleport of a sorcerously powerful entity into his prison.

Alitaur Daughter #666: Koure, I'm here to bust you out!

Koure: Oh hello. I recognize you from the memories of my predecessors. Thank you, but there is no need.

Alitaur Daughter #666 frowns. She has been lovers with the nicely hung Koure - or his clones - for a while, but this docility is new. Typically he tries to assert dominance over her, which she always denies him - it's a game she rather enjoys.

Alitaur Daughter #666: Like hell there isn't. I'm not about to let them execute my favorite piece of ass. What's the matter with you?

Koure: Nothing is the matter with me.

Alitaur Daughter #666: Your mind's been affected somehow... Ugh, if I paid more attention to my magical studies instead of being distracted sneaking out to see you, I might be able to figure out how to reverse it. As it is...

She picks him up and knocks him to the floor on his back, ripping away his pants.

Alitaur Daughter #666: Docile or not, you ARE going to help me get my rocks off...

Elsewhere in the Milky Way galaxy, the planet Jupiter is now a small, dim purple sun called Zeno. Construction of various space stations, in an array of unique designs, has been initiated, and it is in the offices of one of these space stations that Secretary D'ave receives a phone call.

The phone rings for quite a while before a sweaty hand picks it up and hands to D'ave, who gasps breathlessly into it.[/I]

Secretary D'ave: Ambassador... Ptolemais' office...

Voice on Phone: This is Ptepper Ptotts, CEO of MechArmor Engineering Solutions. I'm calling about-- I say, what are those squelching and slapping noises?

Secretary D'ave: Noth...nothing, I... please go--

Ptepper Ptotts hears something that vaguely resembles a feminine yell of OH GOD YES.

Secretary D'ave: --on...

Ptepper Ptotts: Er, perhaps I'd better call back later.

Secretary D'ave has no qualms about hanging up and returning his full attention to screwing Alitaur Daughter #Tau-51. Like all young Jupiterian men, he is a beefcake, with the package that that implies.

Secretary D'ave: We keep... almost... getting caught...

Alitaur Daughter #Tau-51 huffs a panted reply.

Alitaur Daughter #Tau-51: That just... makes it more... exciting...!

On Secretary D'ave's desk is a bobblehead of his patron deity, Dave, after whom he was named. The deity himself, God-Monarch Dave of Mega Jonestown Prime, is currently sleeping in his palatial bedchambers within the grand citadel on top of Mount Tall. Mootchief Minos' bedchambers - far larger than Dave's, as Minos maintains a harem - is raucous with the typically loud liaisons of the alitaur.

Tonight Minos seems to be having a particularly raucous liaison, and if Dave hadn't learned long ago to be able to sleep through these trysts, he'd infer that Minos was either screwing someone new, or someone he didn't get to see very often.

Eventually the noise dies down. A few minutes later, a loud knock sounds at Dave's door. Dave stirs and goes to answer it. A very flushed and sweaty woman is there.

Alitaur Daughter #3.14159: Hey, Dave. I've missed you.

Dave lights up, even as he grows uncomfortable. Being in the presence of powerful beautiful women, who somehow desire him for some reason he can't imagine, always intimidates him as well as excites him.

Dave: Hey! I thought you weren't gonna make it. Christmas Eve is over, it's after midnight. But merry Christmas!

He is too oblivious to wonder why Alitaur Daughter #3.14159 is already sweaty and flushed.

Alitaur Daughter #3.14159: Christmas? Oh, right, that's what you call Highnoel. Happy Highnoel to you too, stud! Sorry I'm late, I had to... meet a friend first.

Yes, dear readers, Dave has an incredible package himself. This is perhaps one reason he successfully got it on with one Losien Simon all those years ago in a laundromat of no account on Earth.

It is several minutes later, that another knock comes at Dave's door. A couple of minutes pass before a sweaty and disheveled Dave opens the door partway to see--

Another powerful and beautiful woman. He furrows his brow. He doesn't seem to recognize her, but still... The woman is voluptuous and curvy. A gold armored breastplate adorns her torso, with the cups being fashioned in the likeness of purple vegetables; said cups reveal enough cleavage to leave no doubt as to the capacious bosom the woman possesses.

A purple skirt is over white leggings and white boots, and her hair is green, in a wild topknot sprouting up from her head.

Woman: Dave, darling!

She flings herself at him and kisses him passionately, flustering him to no end. When she finally allows him a breath for air, he seizes the opportunity to speak.

Dave: Not to look a gift-alitaur in the mouth, but, er...

The woman's face lights up as if suddenly realizing something.

Woman: Oh! Of course, silly me. I've gotten time mixed up again. This is before we-- Well, as omniscient as you are, I'm sure you already know what happened. Well, will happen for you. See you then, stud.

She winks at him, and then poofs away. Mystified, Dave goes back inside to rejoin Alitaur Daughter #3.14159, who is hiding behind the curtains.

Dave: It's safe now. We can keep going.

Alitaur Daughter #3.14159: Seems like I'm not the only one who enjoys Dave-meat. Who was that?

[b]Dave blushes at her frank appraisal.[/I]

Dave: I don't know...

It is only later, after a satisfying tryst and Alitaur Daughter #3.14159's departure, that Dave finally realizes why the mysterious young woman seemed so familiar.

She was - or will be - Chimaat.


External References

  1. Expy article, TV Tropes.
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