NeS3 Post 2 has Chris the Bad Guy attempt 'bad guy banter' but his cohorts are offended and he must be more polite to them. Losien Simon is running away from them when she stumbles upon the newest NeS Heroes candidate, Aladdyn L, Quirk, and asks he prove his abilities on the spot. He demonstrates what he believes is a great power - the ability to change his skin colour. It doesn't render him as invisible as he believed it would. Chris the Bad Guy captures him, which allows him to make use of the half-genie's wish-granting powers. Chris wishes for money but only gets Monopoly money. Captain Pleiades whips out her ray gun, intent on destroying Aladdyn as there can only be room for one blue-skinned character in the story.


Chris the Bad Guy: "After her, you fools!"

Edgelord: "Now that's just hurtful."

Chris the Bad Guy: "Huh?"

Robo-Ringmaster: "Calling us fools! Australians have feelings too, you know."

Chris the Bad Guy: "But it's just standard bad-guy jargon!"

Captain Pleiades: "Well, it shouldn't be!"

Chris the Bad Guy: "Ugh, fine. After her, you, um, intelligent folks!"

Captain Pleiades: "Much better. Now go get 'er, ya varmints!"

Chris the Bad Guy: "Oh, come on! That's just as bad!"

No one minds him however, as they chase after Losien, who is sprinting to the nearest exit. Just as she reaches the doorway however, a fellow pops his head in. He has long black hair in a topknot, wears an open Arabian-style vest (which reveals his fit physique), and pantaloons. Most strikingly, his skin is blue.

New Arrival: "Hi there! I'm here about the opening for a new hero position on your team?"

Losien: "Maybe not the best time - wait! Now's your chance to demonstrate what you can do!"

She points to the bad guys, who are getting closer, but are moving like molasses at the moment, in keeping with the trope that conversations take zero time even in the midst of battle.

New Arrival: "Wow, this is way more interesting than filling out forms! Alright, scrubs, you're messing with the wrong half-genie dude! You'll be sorry you were part of Aladdyn L. Quirk's interview!"

Chris the Bad Guy: "What's the L stand for - Loser?"

Robo-Ringmaster: "Wow, boss, still being hurtful."

Chris the Bad Guy: "We're villains, he's a hero! We're supposed to be mean to him!"

Edgelord: "So, a half-genie, eh? Can you grant wishes?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Sure can! Whoever captures me gets one wish per capture!"

Chris the Bad Guy: "Excellent! Bring him to me!"

Aladdyn grins as the bad guys lumber towards him.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "And so the game is my foot!"

There's an awkward pause.

Losien: "I think you mean, the game is afoot."

Captain Pleiades: "Who cares, get them!"

She fires her ray gun at Losien, who blocks it with her trash-can-lid shield and then hurls a spare hammer at the alien pirate. Pleiades ducks, and instead the hammer brains one of her pirate crew.

The others chase after Aladdyn, who sprints nimbly around the room for a few minutes, until finally he's nearly cornered.

Losien: "Aladdyn, watch out! Rule Number 67 of the Hero Handbook states that you shouldn't let yourself be backed into a corner!"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Never fear, this is where my special SUPER POWER comes in!"

Robo-Ringmaster: "Wait, he's got a super power?"

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I can change my skin coloration."

No one looks impressed.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Observe, as I vanish from view!"

His skin color changes from blue to camouflage. Of course, since they're in the Ditch rather than a forest, he still sticks out like a sore thumb. Edgelord and his cronies surround him as Chris grabs the half-genie's shoulder.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Zounds! They must have invisibility sight!"

Chris the Bad Guy: "Now for my wish!"

Losien: "I’ll save you, Aladdyn!"

She ducks a strike from one of the Australian clowns and then uppercuts him into the ceiling, Mortal-Kombat-style[Ext 1], where his head gets stuck, leaving his legs to dangle comically.

Losien: "As soon as I can get free of these mooks."

Chris the Bad Guy: "Let’s see, I want unthinkable wealth. I wish for..."

He puts his pinky to his lips, Doctor-Evil-style[Ext 2].

Chris the Bad Guy: "ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS."

Everyone else facepalms at Chris the Bad Guy’s notion of "unthinkable wealth".

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Granted!"

Instantly a pile of one-dollar bills tumbles from the sky (through the shattered skylight) to crash down on Chris the Bad Guy and some of his surrounding cronies - plus Aladdyn too, unfortunately. The dollar bills are also just Monopoly money[Ext 3].

Robo-Ringmaster: "Monkey's paw[Ext 4] wishes? What a rip-off!"

Aladdyn pops up out of the pile of Monopoly money, a bit groggy.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "I have no power to cause wishes on my own; the power for the wish always comes from the wisher! Being a regular human, the only sort of million dollars Chris the Bad Guy can get is apparently Monopoly money."

He espies the cheese and crackers still in Chris’ unconscious hand, which is sticking out of the pile.

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Oooh, cheese and crackers! Don’t mind if I do, I’m famished."

Losien: "As much as I love cheese and crackers, a fight’s not the best time. Also, maybe not the best diet if you want to stay fit like that."

Aladdyn L. Quirk: "Never fear, boss! My half-genie constitution keeps me in shape no matter what!"

Edgelord: "Now that’s just not fair."

Captain Pleiades levels her ray gun at the half-genie, as Losien roll dodges one of Robo-Ringmaster’s ethernet-cord whip strikes.

Captain Pleiades: "There’s only room for one blue-skinned character in this story, and it won’t be you!"

OH NO! Is this the end for Aladdyn L. Quirk? Will his interview be tragically cut short? Can there really only be one blue-skinned character in this story? Find out next time, on NeS 3D!


External References

  1. Mortal Kombat article, Wikipedia.
  2. Dr. Evil article, Wikipedia.
  3. Monopoly Money article, Wikipedia.
  4. The Monkey's Paw article, Wikipedia.
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