Summary for NeS1 Post 775 will go here.
Post[]
*The Asparugus Troopers march through the halls of the Forbidden Dungeon of the Forbideness. The leading asparugus, fittingly named Asparagus Trooper #1, spots something on the floor. He immediately picks it ups and sniffs it. How he does this I have no idea, for most Asparagus’s lack nostrils*
Asparagus Trooper #1: Cheese and Cracker Crumbs... fresh. The infidels must be close…
Asparagus Trooper #13: But that’s where your mistaken, chap. That’s just what they WANT you to think.
Asparagus Trooper #1: What do you mean? And why do you have a British accent?
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*Meanwhile, our heroes cower in a small completely enclosed room. Only a paper-thin holographic wall protects them from being spotted by those stalwart Asparagus’s. Above them, in yellow text, floats the words ‘Secret Area Found!’. Losien stares in horror as Asparagus Trooper #1 sniffs her Cheese and Crackers and starts trying to find them.*
Losien: Oh, this is all my… *oomph*
*Ante’s hand clamps around Losien’s mouth.*
Ante *whispering*: Quiet. This is no time for futile exercises in self-pity.
Sem: By the way, Ante, is that Singularity thingamabob done charging yet.
Ante: No… still a couple more hours… or is it days…?
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Asparagus Trooper # 2: Sshh. I though I heard something!
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*Our heroes are horrified as Asparagus Trooper #2 steps toward their secret hiding place*
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Losien *moaning*: Oh, I knew Taco Shells from genetically engineered corn would lead to this…
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*Suddenly, Asparagus Trooper # 13 grabs Asparagus Trooper #2 and shakes him*
Asparagus Trooper #13: Don’t zou understand! Evry minute zhat zou vaste here iz a minute vhere zee infidels get closer and closer to zee Spooky Taco.
Asparagus Trooper #1: See. Now your accent is German or French or something of the sort… Pretty odd considering that Asparagus Trooper # 13 is actually mute.
Asparagus Trooper #13: ‘….’
Asparagus Trooper #1: You know, you’re a little short for an Asparagus.
Asparagus Trooper #13/Phantom_Asparugus *In lawyer accent: Really. Most interesting. Because if you feel that’s the case then I have no choice but to file a 435 Stature-Based Harassment claim against you!
Asparagus Trooper:#1: Your coming with me, Pal. Your going to have a little face to shell talk with the Spooky Taco himself!
Phantom Asparagus: *gulp*
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*Our heroes all give audible sighs of relief as the Asparagus Trooper march away, taking Phantom Asparagus with them.
Geb: Whew! That was a close when. Good thing Phantom was so willing to sacrificially do something stupid to get himself captured.
Bob: Hey, that's not that impressive. I can do that.
Geb: Hmm… Anyway’s. I’m tired of blindingly running down featureless halls with repetitive texturing. Lets kill this Taco and get it over with.
Ante: We don’t even know where to find him!
Maybe: Or ‘it’.
LT Evil: Well, why don’t we just use the map.
*All the heroes give him funny looks*
Geb: Uh… the map?
LT Evil: Of Course. All you have to do is say simply: TAB.
*Suddenly, a holographic 2d display of thousands of green lines appears before our heroes.*
Ante: Either this is the map of the fortress or the architectural schematics of Boeing 747.
Janitor Bob: Uh... so where is the Spooky Taco located?
Losien: Well, according to what I've read the Taco is located in the Bowels of the Fortress. But the question is, where are they?
LT Evil: Oh, this is easy. The Taco is located right... here. But to get there you have to pass thousands of Kamikazes, Zombies, Aspuragus, swing over moats filled with blood thirsty piranas on regular Dental Floss, dodge flaming rocks spewing out from the numerous pits of molten lava, pass the Three Trials...
Geb: Right. I think this our cue to cry out to the editors again...
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*Meanwhi... er... as that event was happening, another event was happening at the same time which was: the Writers at the Massassi Office were dunking coffee in donuts while discussing important philosophical issues*
Krig the Writer: This yucky coffee.
Bob the Writer: Tastes like Comet.
Geb the Writer: You know, we really need to get some results and get to face the Spooky Taco and on with a new part.
Bob the Writer: But we need to find someone who can edit. And Sem's out on one of those violent action packed car chases, instead of staying here and doing his job.
LT Evil the Writer: I can edit.
Bob the Writer: Really?
LT Evil the Writer: Sure. I've completed several TCs but never sent them in because I couldn't figure out the submission instructions.
*Lt Evil pushes Geb of the computer chair and starts looking over the editing job*
Lt Evil: Hmm... sloppy texturing, poor framerate, bad voice acting...
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*A few minutes later, suddenly the heroes feel their very bodies disentegrate and disappear off of the face of existence.*
*Seconds later, they feel their molucular structure reconstruct, but in an entirely different place. Wondering where they are, the heroes look around and see a sign that says: The Room Above Where the Spooky Taco is*
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LT Evil the Writer: Ah, good old cut and paste...
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*Meanwhile, in the Microsoft/UGO building Losien and Ante the Writers crawl through a conveniantly placed Ventilation Shaft. Only a solitarily candle gives them light. They had stolen that candle from the Rituals and Demonicsacrifice, making the pentagram merely a Quadragram*
*They finally reach the end of the shaft, and perch directly over the golden, tennis court sized desk of Bill Gates. Gates turns a Globe of the world around in his hands diabolically. A television monitor shows a newscaster... uh... newscasting*
Newscaster: ... and the Nintendo Game Cube has been delayed yet another month. We now go to Hank Cromwell, public relations for the Midwest U.S.
Hank: Well, darn it, dem voodoo spirits are acting up again. It's voodoo I tell you, nothing less den voodoo! We have all our Top Exorcist techniciations working on it at all hours of the day.
Gates: Heh heh heh HEH HA HA HA HA!!!
Losien: You know. I don't think I like this guy very much.
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*The UGO ambulance continues to speed illegally, with the mini-limo in hot pursuit*
Randy: PHIL!
Phil: I don't care.
Randy: No. PHIL! This is important! You're... *Traffic drowns out the rest of his words.*
Phil: WHAT!
Randy the Writer: You're... driving in the wrong... *Traffic drowns him out some more*
Phil: Look. You don't tell me how to drive, I don't tell you how to write. Okay.
Randy the Writer: YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE!
*Phil looks past Randy, to see a large 18 wheeler (incidentally with the Coca Cola symbol on it), heading straight towards them*
*Phil steer the car, barely, onto the shoulder of the road, as the Semi brushes past them, taking off the rearview mirror, several coats of paint, and a cup holder*
*The Semi now fills the view of the Mini-limo. They both honk loudly, as it looks like it would be a head on collision. Instinctively, Haggis pushes a large button. The Cigarrette Lighter turns on. Cursing, Haggis hits another large button, less instinctively. The limo shoots up, on a magnetic cushion. The Semi passes beneath it*
Sem: This thing can hover, too!?
Haggis: Of course! What did you think.
Sem: This thing seems to have everything but accurate workable ICBM missle defense system!
Haggis: It has one of those, too, but it's in the part we left behind.
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*As Phil hits a large speedbump at 112 miles an hour, his head impacts on the CB radio.*
Phil: Of course! The CB radio!
*Taking the CB radio in one hand, and driving with the other, he sends a message to the UGO/Microsoft Headquarters.*
Phil: Control 4? This is 13379. Requesting Assistance immeadiately.
Control 4: Roger!
Phil: My name's Phil.
Control 4: Okay, Phil!
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*Seconds later, a squadron of TIE fighter, last seen several pages ago, lift off their landing platform at UGO and streak towards the Car Chase.
Will the GameCube ever recover from it's evil Voodoo Curse? Or has Losien doomed her chance to play Rouge Leader, forever? Can the Good Guys defeat the Evil Spooky Taco? Will the Car Chase ever end? If so where? Why? Who? How? How Much? Do you want Fries with that? All this and more answered next time on... take a wild guess.
Notes[]
There is a slight discrepancy in the formatting of this post on this wiki page compared to the original. The lines of hyphens that Janitor Bob the Writer used to separate scenes typically did not have blank lines before and after them, but without inserting those, the formatting on the wiki messed up.