In NeS1 Post 766, the NeS Heroes are joined by the mysterious The Last True Evil. When Gebohq Simon asks what he's doing in the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddenness, he is confused as he'd expected to be in Salk Middle School, akin to Janitor Bob. Gebohq asks Bob how he recognises the enemy Asparagus Troopers if he is from another dimension, but Bob doesn't know. The Heroes surrender, instantly, to the Asparagus Troopers, who are so surprised they have to radio in to their boss for information on whether they can eat the heroes or not. When confirmation is given, the troopers look up to find that the heroes had vanished.


*Deep inside the bowels of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness™, Our Heroes trudge wearily through the dark, slimy, polygonal halls. The Last True Evil and Gebohq walk at the head of the rather long line of misfit champions.*

Geb:"So, Mr. Last True Evil, what brings you to the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness™?"

TLTE:"Um... I'm not sure. Isn't this Salk Middle School?"

Janitor Bob: (walking up from behind)"Yeah, that confused me, too. Y'see, this isn't actually Salk Middle School, it just looks nothing like it. That's where the confusion comes in."

*Suddenly, from behind a sign that says "McDonalds[Ext 1]: We Love To See Your Money", thirteen Asparagus Troopers leap into the hallway, entirely blocking it. In appearance, they look like giant sprouts of asparagus, with arms and legs and SWAT gear. They menacingly close in on Our Heroes.*

Geb:"Dear God! What are those twisted monstrosities?!"

Janitor Bob:"Egad! Asparagus Troopers! I should have known!"

Geb:"Wait, aren't you from another dimension or something? How do you know what these are?"

*Janitor Bob's face squints into a grim, heroic expression, as if recalling some dark, horrific memory that haunts him to this day.*

Janitor Bob:"I have no idea."

*The Asparagus Troopers close in, striking cheesy martial arts moves as they do. One of them speaks in a frightening, asparagusy voice.*

Asparagus Trooper #1:"Surrender now, or face terrible punishment!"

*At once, the entire group of Our Heroes puts their hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. Asparagus Trooper #1 blinks confusedly, then turns to whisper to Asparagus Trooper #2.*

Asparagus Trooper #1:"We've never had anyone actually surrender before! What do we do?"

Asparagus Trooper #2:"Um... eat them?"

Asparagus Trooper #1:"Hey, now there's an idea! Just lemme check with the Boss..."

*Asparagus Trooper #1 steps off to the side and begins speaking into a walkie talkie.*

Asparagus Trooper #12 : (near the back of the group of Troopers)"Hey, what's the holdup up there? C'mon, it's not like we have nothing else to be doing! I've got a pie in the oven!"

Asparagus Trooper #2:"Hey, quiet back there! And keep your creepy pie addiction out of this!"

Asparagus Trooper #1: (putting his walkie talkie away) "Ok men, the Boss says we can eat them, now -- HEY, where'd they go?!"

*The area where our Heroes were is now empty... and cleaner, thanks to Janitor Bob.*

Asparagus Trooper #1:"Oh, man, we let them get away when we were arguing! Somebody's gonna lose their head for this!"

Where have Our Heroes dissapeared to? Did they run away? And who is this 'Last True Evil' fellow? Is he related to SemiEvil in any way? Exactly how many 'evils' can there be in one story? Which Asparagus Trooper will lose his head? Do Asparagus Troopers even have heads? What is the record for most questions in a single paragraph? All these questions and more possibly answered in the next incredibly complex installment of... The Never Ending Story...story...tory...ory...


The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited June 17, 2001).]


External References

  1. McDonald's article, Wikipedia.
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.