NeS1 Post 589 opens in the Writers' Realm as Randy the Writer returns to the Massassi Temple Offices. He is aghast that his Character, Lt Randy, has been cast as Jubilee in the X-Men. MaybeChild the Writer tries to excuse it as they ran out of other characters while Gebohq the Writer thinks it serves him right for being so late. Randy the Writer concedes but sees Semievil333 the Writer inconsolable at the window because Masetto the Writer threw his new computer out of the window in NeS1 Post 588. Randy the Writer then returns to writing the Story. The Christian God chastises Masetto for destroying the Helmet of Halibut, as granted to the Characters by the Writers, before he leaves. When Magneto wants to resume their battle, a new Helmet of Halibut appears but made of plastic. Back on Krig's head, the viking cannot remove it and is afraid of the dark so he starts to panic and run around. Randy the Writer has to research Jubilee because he doesn't know much about the X-Men, which gets him teased by Gebohq the Writer for looking at pictures of her. With his new knowledge of Jubilee, he writes in how Lt Randy uses chewing gum to stick to Magneto's boots. As the supervillain tries to get it off, Krig charges, blindly, at him and collides, knocking them both down. Morris the Cat then reemerges and they must prepare to fight him. However a commercial for cat food appears, which gets Morris excited.


* Randy walks into the NSP office *

Randy: You'll never believe what I just saw. There I was minding my own busness, checking the mail when suddenly a large UPS[Ext 1] package falls from the sky and crashes into the sidewalk nearly killing...

* Randy's voice trails off as he reads some lines on the flatscreen monitor covering a portion of one wall *

Randy: WHAT?!?! How on earth did I end up being "cast" as Jubilee[Ext 2]?!?!

Maybe: Well... (trying to come up with a good reason) ...we ran out of other characters.

Geb: Serves you right for not comming in sooner, you nerd. :p

Randy: <sigh> Yeah, I guess your right...<under his breath>...this time.

* Randy then notices Sem staring into space as if his brain were abruptly taken from his body and hurled from the building *

Randy: Hey Sem, what's wrong.

Sem: ........

Randy: Uhhh...

* With that Sem breaks down and sobs deeply *

Losien: Masetto <points to Masetto> flung Sem's new computer out the window...

Randy: Hence the UPS box taking a deep dive into a shallow pool.

Ante: Exactly.

* Randy sighs and seats himself at his workstation and begins typing... *

Randy: Let's see...

< Back to the story >

God: You have destroyed an artifact that was a importaint plot device.

Ante: Ooooohhhh... Busted.

God: Silence!

Ante: Yes Sir! Sorry Sir!

God:, Masetto, because this is a story and not REAL life, I will leave you with a warning. Quit destroying plot devices given to you by the writers of this story.

* Exit God, light, clouds, Host of Heaven, etc... *

* Masetto stands speechless *

Randy/Jubilee Tugging at hi..err..her shorts)<To herself> Why do these Marvel[Ext 3] artists have too be so loose? <To Masetto> I think you got off easy.

Geb: No, yah think?!?

Maybe: Awww... you didn't get that comb.

Masetto: Shut up!

< /\ Similar names... coincidence? \/ >

Magneto[Ext 4]: Can we get on with this?

* Just then a PLASTIC Halbut helmet appears, reversed as before, on Krigs head. *


Randy/Jubilee(looking skyward): Thank you...

Ante: Here we go again.

< Back in reality >

* Randy searches the internet for info on Jubilee. Geb leans over Randy's shoulder...*

Geb: Ohh... so Randy's got a new girl friend?

Randy: Shut up, I'm trying to get into character, and since I've never really seen any of the X-men comics, shows, or movie I figured that would be a likely place to look.

Geb: Fair enough... Chicky. :p

Randy: Grrr...

< Back in the story >

* Krig, unable to free himself from his plastic prison begins to feverishly race about hoping to remove the helmit *

Magneto: I have you now...

Randy/Jubilee: Take this!

* Randy produces a pink sphereoid and tosses it at Magneto, who then steps upon it, squshing it into a gummy puddle allowing it to stick to his boot. *

Magneto: <curses> Do you know how much this whole costume cost. Now I'll never get back my deposit.

* As Magneto proceeds to carefully remove the chewing gum from his previously spotless boot he hears the sound of a thousand pounding hooves. Looking up he beholds the image of a fear-crazed Wolverine[Ext 5], blinded by the plastic headgear, racing toward him with incredible speed. *

Mageto: Ohhh sh......

* Krig/Wolverine and Magneto collide with the force of a freight train hitting a Honda Civic[Ext 6] filled with packaging peanuts. *

Magneto: Owchie...

Maybe: Rand..err..I mean Jubilee, I have a question.

Randy/Jubilee: Yes?

Maybe: Why didn't you use any of your mutant[Ext 7] powers?

Randy: I had to use Kr..Wolverine's racing about in some way. Otherwise he would have had to hit a wall.

Geb: Ok...?

Randy: Besides, it wouldn't have been as funny if I tried to roast him in his own juices.

Morris: Ahem!! Have you forgotten me?

* Randy buttons the trench coat in order to preserve some remaining pride. *

Sem: Right...on to buisness...

* After this commercial break *

<Office people in their morning commute>

* Phone rings *

Lady: Don't get that Frank!

* Frank answers the phone *

Frank: Baxter! It's Baxter!!

* Cat proceeds to meow in a hypnotically alluring melody as the announcer praises the wonders of the brand[Ext 8] of cat food while in the background one can faintly hear Morris the cat screaming "WOOHOO!!!" *

< How will our heroes get out of this interesting pickle? Will Randy ever return to his original gender?(better sooner than later before Sem, Geb, Otter, and Ante come on to him :p ) What does Morris, the evil cat from hell, have in store for the X-me..err..our heroes? Tune in again...>


Britt's Commentary

"The ending commercial is a reference to the Meow Mix[Ext 9] commercial[Ext 10] featuring a cat named Baxter on the phone." ~ Britt the Writer


External References

  1. United Parcel Service article, Wikipedia.
  2. Jubilee (comics) article, Wikipedia.
  3. Marvel Comics article, Wikipedia.
  4. Magneto (comics) article, Wikipedia.
  5. Wolverine (comics) article, Wikipedia.
  6. Honda Civic article, Wikipedia.
  7. Mutant (Marvel Comics) article, Wikipedia.
  8. Meow Mix article, Wikipedia.
  9. Meow Mix article, Wikipedia.
  10. 2000 - Baxter the Cat Dials His Owner video, YouTube.
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