NeS1 Post 273 sees Semievil use passages from the Canticle of Canticles to discover how to create a new Porkus for the Malorkis. He takes one of Gebohq's Holy Hand-grenades and forces Krig to hand over his waraxe, using a water elemental, and puts them all into a box. The grenade explodes and when opened, there is the completed Porkus Malorkis. He has tied pink, frilly lace around the hilt. He then explains how this weapon finds people worthy - by character class. A paladin cannot use a blunt weapon, like the hilt, so Gebohq turned into a pig in NeS1 Post 270 but a cleric can, so MaybeChild held the hilt in NeS1 Post 271. As it is now a sword, MaybeChild would become a pig without the lace.


Sem: "Ok..... now all we need is a new porkus blade..... Unless maybe wants to just beat totally to death with that hilt...."

Maybe: "ehhh, that's ok Sem, just make me a new Porkus."

Sem, muttering: "Make me a new Porkus she says, I wanna kill the monster she says, I wanna be the leader she says..... hmph! all this 'me! me! me!' <sigh>"

Sem cracks open the tome again.

Sem: "Ok Krig I need your axe, and Geb I'm gonna need one of your holy hand grenades."

Krig: "Krig like axe of smack-down! Krig no give!"

Sem calls forth a water elemental who envelopes Krig and gives Sem the axe.

Sem takes the hand grenade and the axe and puts them in a box, pulling out the pin just before closing it. The result is the Porkus.

Sem then combines it in a long, hard ritual with the hilt, yielding the great Porkus Malorkus.

Sem: "There, there you go, nice and pretty little sword."

Sem hands it to Maybe, with a pink lace frill put around the hilt and lining the blade's edges. The guys all begin to laugh hysterically again.

Maybe: "Hey Sem why didn't you turn into a pig?"

Sem: "I made it so I could hold it, I forsaw that problem...... Unfortunately I did not have the spells to make it wieldable handy..... thus the frilly lace..... clerics[Ext 1] aren't any more worthy of wielding a slashing weapon than a paladin[Ext 2] is to use a blunt weapon, which is why Geb went porky on us when he tried to use the hilt...... Geb would be able to wield it now had he not allready tried.... once the sword decides your unworthy you go pig...... period..... so try not to mess up the lace too much....."

Maybe mutters something under her breath about Sem, but it goes unheard.


Britt's Commentary

"The Characters are currently bound by rules of Dungeons & Dragons[Ext 3] Character Classes[Ext 4], which are the stipulations for worthiness that Semievil is explaining." ~ Britt the Writer


External References

  1. Cleric article, Dungeons & Dragons Wikia.
  2. Paladin article, Dungeons & Dragons Wikia.
  3. Dungeons & Dragons article, Wikipedia.
  4. Character Class (Dungeons & Dragons) article, Wikipedia.
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