In Leg Post 45 The Doctor is seen with a salesman wanting to put a teleporter on her TARDIS as it keeps getting stolen. She talks about her past regenerations but this leaves her distracted as the TARDIS is, again, stolen by Tsou de Ming. On the planet Mong Xerxes Rumplekirk and Aellah are discussing the lurid colours of the planet when Tsou de Ming and her pirate band show up and rob them for a second time. Xerxes, unwilling to take it any more, raises his cane to attack.


The Marvellous Adventures of Xerxes Rumplekirk and Aellah the Æon Knight

The Doctor: "Y'see they keep nicking my TARDIS. First it was these two blokes who were just dead annoying. But now there's this green woman with this..."

The blonde woman tapped her forehead.

Salesman: "... head? Brain?"

The Doctor: "Eye! She's got three eyes! Dunno what you'd need a third eye for. It's not like it's facing the other way or awt."

Salesman: "Okay. And you want to install this teleporter on your TARDIS?"

The Doctor: "Aye! See I used to be Peter Capaldi[Ext 1] and I had these wicked eyebrows that just, y'know, demanded people listen to me. But now I ain't got them."

She stretched out her eyebrows but the man just stared at her. He was taking all this well in his stride.

Salesman: "You used to be someone else?"

The Doctor: "Aye! I've been several others actually. I was Matt Smith[Ext 2] once. Had a face like a foot."

Salesman: "..."

The Doctor: "Not an actual foot."

Salesman: "Okay. So... is that the woman you're talking about?"

There was the awesome groaning of the TARDIS taking off and The Doctor turned her head just in time to see her time-machine being stolen by the infamous Tsou de Ming yet again.

The Doctor: "Bugger."

In the year 846739373927 of the calender of the planet Mong, Xerxes Rumplekirk - gentleman explorer - and his sidekick, Aellah - the recently corporeal Æon Knight - were sauntering down the promenade of a pleasant looking beach. Pleasant so long as you liked the colour neon green for sand and pee coloured skies.

Xerxes: "It's like a baby ate a lot of crayons and... well... evacuated the colours from its body again."

Aellah: "Yeah. It is nice."

Xerxes: "... what part of a baby digesting brightly coloured wax is nice exactly?"

When they reached the end of the promenade they found themselves at an outdoor market selling trinkets. They were there less than a minute before a host of pirates dropped from a dirigible from above, led by none other than Tsou de Ming herself.

Tsou de Ming: "Stick 'em up!"

Aellah: "Stick... what up exactly?"

Tsou de Ming: "You know what I mean!"

Aellah: "Well if you insist! I haven't used it since I got this body to be honest--"

Xerxes: "Put it away!! Put it away!!!!"

Tsou de Ming: "For crying out loud, not you two again! You better have some new booty for me!"

Aellah: "Oooooh, you want my booty to stick up! Like twerking? I think I can do that!"

Tsou de Ming: "What!? No!"

Xerxes: "You can't steal from me twice! That's just... dastardly!"

The pirates stare at him for a moment. Then they laugh.

Tsou de Ming: "The more dastardly, the better."

Aellah: "How is she travelling through time...?"

Xerxes: "No doubt she stole something to allow that."

Tsou de Ming: "You must be some kind of genius!"

The pirates laughed again.

Xerxes: "That's it! En garde!"

He whipped out his cane.

Aellah: "I thought you said don't show that just now?"

Xerxes: "The narrator wasn't using a euphemism!"


External References

  1. Peter Capaldi article, Wikipedia.
  2. Matt Smith article, Wikipedia.
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