Leg Post 34 has Sir Palamedes alone in a forest on Algernon and in need of relieving his bladder of urine. But as he pees on a tree, it speaks to him and complains about being peed on. Sir Palamedes is surprised but promises not to pee on tree in future, despite being certain trees don't talk. Then he is confronted by the hideous snake-headed Questing Beast. He attempts to attack it but it flees and he gives chase.
The Questing Beast
Location: Algernon | Wilderness
Characters: Sir Palamedes
Sir Palamedes trotted through the mysterious forest of Algernon with a strong heart. The weather here was warm, the air clean and the chirruping of birds was mesmerising. At least he assumed they were birds chirruping. They could be the anal excretions of of hideous, putrid pile of mush that this planet called life but he wasn't going to speculate.
He slowed down as he realised his bladder was getting full and unplated his crotch to relief himself up against a tree. As his hot pee struck the bark of the tree there came a very audible complaint.
Tree: "Oi! How dare you piss on me!"
Sir Palamedes considered.
Sir Palamedes: "Who's there? Who's talking?"
Tree: "Me! The tree you're pissing on!"
Sir Palamedes: "But trees can't talk."
Tree: "Says who?"
Sir Palamedes: "Well... everyone."
Tree: "Well everyone has been lying to you."
Sir Palamedes: "Well... I promise not to pee on you again. Or any other trees."
Tree: "Now that's you've finished, you mean?"
Sir Palamedes: "Well, you did startle me! So it all just came out a bit quicker than usual!"
Tree: "Alright. Now bugger off. I'm trying to get a suntan here."
Even as he was talking to the tree, there came a loud barking throughout the forest.
Sir Palamedes: "What's that? Another tree?"
Tree: "What trees have you heard barking?"
Sir Palamedes: "Well I haven't heard trees talking before either..."
Tree: "That's because you haven't been listening. Wait, what's that? EW! IT'S ON ME! GEDDIT OFF!"
Sir Palamedes looked up to see the huge head of a snake glaring down at him. It's bulbous eyes glittered in the sunlight and its forked tongue sliced the air above his head. But he also noticed that its body was that of a leopard. It's muscular mammalian legs prowled through the branches but its legs were tipped by hooves like a deer. The beast opened its mouth and a loud barking, like a dog, blasted into Palamedes' ears.
For a moment, he stood in awe at this foul beast.
Then he gathered himself.
Sir Palamedes: "A new quest lands before me!"
He drew his sword and the Questing Beast seemed to realise that something was amiss. This was no usual prey.
It slunk back as Palamedes swung his blade and was then instantly off in retreat with Palamedes chasing after it.