Leg Post 138 opens with a Mexican stand-off between all those claiming the Book of Thoth in the Tomb of Hatshepsut. Hatshepsut herself holds the book, currently a mummy, while Sauda, Hermes and Neferkaptah all desire the book. When Hatshepsut makes a remark on the situation as The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Hermes and Sauda jump in and try to euphemise what they perceive to be an address to herself as 'the ugly' by explaining that she still had a chance to attract a partner. She then acknowledges that there is only one way to solve the matter of who gets the book and wants to invoke one of the gods. To Neferkaptah's surprise, it is not Thoth that is to be invoked but Thoth's wife; Ma'at, god of law. They all appear in a modern-like courtroom, but Ma'at would not serve as judge she sat in the audience with, a now restored-to-youth, Hatshepsut and, now fully conscious but confused, Setne. The three claiments looked to the judge's podium and could hear a voice, but see noone. With a little humiliating, the judge asks for a box to stand upon and, a moment later, Krig the Viking stands clearly as judge over the court, now in the employ of Ma'at. Each claimant must make their case for possessing the book. Neferkaptah has openly declared he will destroy the book. claiming it brings disaster to all humanity when in the wrong hands, but his motivation is also mired by desire for revenge upon the book, and his brother Djer, for ruining his life. Hermes makes the claim that he wishes to use the book to make magic safer and easier for everyone in the world to learn, rather than being in the hands of a privileged few. Both Sauda and Neferkaptah believe it is extremely dangerous to put such power in the hands of everyone, with their own misdeeds as proof of that. Hermes claims that even a spatula in the wrong hands is a dangerous weapon, but humanity had no destroyed itself. Sauda eventually admits that her desire is personal and selfish, not for the greater good as either of the men claim. She wants it for power, but has fallen in love with Setne, who is now dying. She wishes to use the book to save him, in the name of love, but she admits part of her still wants the power that the book would give. She makes the argument that life is for living, filled with selfish desires, else there is no point in living. Her spiel on the chance for love and saving a dying man results in her being awarded the book and they all appear in the tomb once again. Neferkaptah sees poetry in his death, losing his chance for revenge so another may find love and he dies, telling her to learn from him. Hermes, however, is bitter, having lost his only opportunity to bring greatness to all of humanity. Hatshepsut looks upon the remains of her own lover, who died in her tomb, Senemut with feelings of love and loss. Witnessing the death of Neferkaptah and the look upon Hatshepsut, Sauda looks upon the prone form of Setne and, in that last moment, makes the decision to follow Neferkaptah's words; literally. With the book she declares that she shall claim the power that Neferkaptah once had and is instantly imbied with immense power of her own and all that was his. She admits to Hatshepsut she had no deceived them, she may have saved Setne in another split-second's thought. She then destroys the mummy of Hatshepsut, a woman that Sauda admired greatly. With all the more power, Sauda looks upon the book. The magic on the book meant only one wish per person that wasn't chosen by Thoth, however with this new power she speculates if she could alter the book and make it work - bring Setne back from the death and even force him to love her. But then Thoth himself arrives and laments that Neferkaptah was correct after all. He releases the book from existence, even though Sauda tries to track it. She is shown the life she missed out on, one of happiness and harmony with Setne, but her even colder heart dodesn't care any longer. Thoth reminds her that it will not last, that everything will end, even the Multiverse, and vanishes. Sauda is left alone.
Post[]
The Long Beard of the Law[]
Hatshepsut: “It seems we have a problem.”
Sauda: “A Mexican stand-off[Ext 1]…”
Hermes: “What’s a Mexican and why would it stand-off?”
Sauda: “I have no idea.”
Hatshepsut: “The good, the bad and the ugly[Ext 2]…”
Hermes and Sauda glanced at each other, then back to the mummified corpse.
Hermes: “You shouldn’t speak of yourself that way.”
Sauda: “With a bit of make up… and some perfume… a lot of perfume…”
Hermes: “There are a lot of men who are not so picky.”
Sauda: “Your face is already bandaged. Just open up a hole down below and if he’s drunk enough—”
Hermes: “Very drunk…”
Sauda: “I’m sure—”
Hatshepsut: “Well, I was thinking of letting one of you have it, but now—”
Sauda clamped her mouth shut. Hermes, however, has never known when to shut up.
Hermes: “We were trying to be nice.”
Hatshepsut whacked him with the magic tome.
Hermes: “Ouch! That was uncalled for!”
Sauda sneeringly chuckled at him, but the mummy thrust the book in her direction with a warning growl and she fell quiet.
Hatshepsut: “Now. The case is this, I give one of you the book. You two want it for personal gain—”
Hermes: “I wouldn’t say it like that.”
Hatshepsut: “He wants to destroy the book.”
Sauda: “He’s nearly dead anyway! Who cares what he wants?”
Hatshepsut: “The gods. The gods care.”
Neferkaptah: “I would disagree with you… but I fear you wouldn’t give me the book if I did that…”
Hatshepsut: “The gods care most when you are at their door, old wizard. You will meet them soon. But will you be blessed with a final boon from them, is the question we now face. This is the Book of Thoth, it seems to me that there is only one way to solve this problem. A certain god must be invoked.”
Neferkaptah: “Thoth will not answer the call…”
Hatshepsut: “I did not say we should invoke Thoth. Better than that. We invoke his wife.”
Everyone blinked. A blink is something no one thinks about. It just happens and it’s usually involuntary. In order to save the minds of the humans from reality-warping, mind-melting transition, they were all forced to blink. In that blink of an eye, they found themselves elsewhere. A… courtroom.
It might not be a courtroom anyone is likely to recognise, least of all the ancient Egyptians, but they all knew it to be such. Three podiums were set up, with the three claimants ready to make their cases. Neferkaptah, who was formerly in the throes of imminent death, was strong and healthy as always. Yet, the three mages of varying capabilities, were magicless. Thoth had no input in this court, only the power of law ruled here. The power of Ma’at.
However, Ma’at herself was not to be judge. That task was given over to her new advocate. Newly appointed by her in the past, yet he was from a time far into the future. The three of them looked to the central podium.
Nobody was there.
Sauda: “That was a short session. I will assume I win.”
Voice: “Danger Lady not win, unless judge say so!”
They all looked around, but nobody was there.
Hermes: “We can’t see you.”
Hermes called out to the aether, and was met with grumbling.
Voice: “Krig need box.”
There was a slight shift in the room as everyone was, again, forced to blink and reality altered. A moment later and a bearded head appeared above the judge’s podium as the very short man climbed the box that Ma’at had conjured into existence for him.
Krig the Judge: “Krig call session into… session.”
Sauda: “That’s the judge?”
Hermes: “I admit, I feel underwhelmed.”
Neferkaptah: “He’s a fine judge.”
Hermes & Sauda: “What?”
Neferkaptah: “Because this case is simple, even this little creature can understand it! The book is dangerous. It must be removed from human hands!”
Hermes: “But—no! I disagree!”
Sauda: “Me too.”
She turned to see the audience. There was just three audience members. The first was the very beautiful woman that Sauda inexplicably knew to be Ma’at herself. Next was another beautiful woman that Sauda recognised from the many depictions of her throughout Egypt. Many did not know them, as they had been defaced, but Sauda was no slouch when it came to researching powerful women of Africa. The last was, awake and well, Setne. He seemed bewildered and utterly confused to find himself sandwiched between a god and a long-dead pharaoh.
Krig: “Why you not agree with magic man?”
The dwarf acting as judge had a grand beard that would make any beard-lover fall in love. She expected a spiked hat on his head, not that she knew why she would imagine that, but instead there was a white wig. In his pudgy hand was a gavel.
Hermes: “Well… look… magic is not dangerous. It can be dangerous in the wrong hands, but so could a… I don’t know. A spatula.”
Sauda: “Really? A spatula?”
Hermes: “I watched a woman murder a rat with a spatula once! I had nightmares for weeks.”
Krig nodded sagely.
Krig: “Spatula in wrong hands, dangerous weapon.”
Sauda just rolled her eyes.
Hermes: “My point is that we can’t be afraid of everything all the time. We need to learn to use and harness power for the betterment of mankind!”
Krig waggled his gavel.
Krig: “Like Krig’s hammer! Great power in this. Make life better!”
Hermes: “Exactly! I underestimated you, my stout friend!”
Sauda stared at Hermes, then to the simple-tongued foreigner.
Sauda: “Did I take crazy pills? Did you take crazy pills!?”
Hermes: “Law is a great power over mankind. Magic, too, is a great power. They must both be wielded wisely, so that all will benefit. We should not be afraid of using these tools, lest we jump at our own shadows.”
Neferkaptah: “No! It is too dangerous! Law is the fabrication of mankind, that…”
He thrust his finger to the Book of Thoth that rested between them all.
Neferkaptah: “Is a gift of gods! In fact, no. It is a tool. A weapon of gods. Just one more means of controlling us, without doing anything. They watch us fight and bicker over it! Just as we are now! I… I will die… for that book!”
Krig: “Magic man spent whole life wanting book, yes?”
Neferkaptah: “Yes! Many lifetimes. And my damnable brother lied to me and hid it from me. I wasted everything. Everything! It destroyed me, I shall destroy it.”
Hermes: “Your reason for destroying the book is not so noble as you make it out to be! You don’t care about mankind, you just want petty revenge! You are no more noble than Sauda!”
Sauda: “Oi!”
Krig: “What Sexy Lady want with book?”
Sauda grinned at that and leaned forward on her podium.
Sauda: “Ha! Maybe you’re smarter than I gave you credit, after all.”
Krig: “Krig sorry. Krig should say; Sexy, Dangerous, Scary, Maniac Woman.”
Sauda’s grin twisted into a sneering smile as she cocked her head.
Sauda: “Much smarter.”
Hermes: “She wants it for her own personal gain, your honour.”
Sauda: “Watch it, you!”
Hermes: “Unless you really will use it to help the prince?”
Sauda tried not to look back at the eyes burning a hole in her head.
Sauda: “I…”
Neferkaptah: “I know her type. She is just as I was once. Obsessed with her own power and influence over others. The measure of her prestige is in the amount of power she has. She is the exact proof of what I say. So long as people like her, like me, exist, this kind of power is too dangerous!”
Hermes: “Then it will always be in danger! There are many evil men and women in the world, and there always will be. But evil will always find a way! Whether it is with book or spatula!”
Sauda: “I hope that line goes on your gravestone.”
Krig: “Good epitaph.”
Sauda: “But why won’t you save Setne? You say I am so selfish and terrible, but you didn’t stand up to give your wish to saving him, did you!?”
Hermes, unlike Sauda, had the courage to turn and look straight to his friend.
Hermes: “I am sorry to the prince. You are a fine, young man and I respect you deeply. You have led a good and honest life, far better than most. I consider you amongst the most worthy of people I have ever met.”
Sauda licked her lips. She liked him too! But she could never say the words that Hermes spoke so freely and this both confused and annoyed her.
Sauda: “But you still won’t save him, hmm?”
Hermes: “What I want with the book is greater than any one man.”
Krig frowned.
Krig: “Krig not think book should be used to get man. Or more than one man.”
Hermes: “No, no. You misunderstand me.”
Sauda: “He is Greek, if you know what I mean?”
Krig: “Krig know what Sexy Lady mean. Krig went to holiday in Greece. Many holes in toilet stalls. Krig had to use axe many times. Much blood.”
Hermes: “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I am disturbed nonetheless.”
Krig: “Not worry. Krig not attack gay man, unless gay man attack Krig. With penis.”
Hermes: “Attack with…?”
Krig: “Actually, Krig attack any man if any man attack Krig with penis, gay or no gay. Krig also attack woman if woman attack Krig with penis—”
Hermes: “Can we agree that penis attacks, from anyone, is unacceptable behaviour and move on?”
Sauda: “I dunno. I kind of like where this is going!”
Krig: “Sexy Lady no attack Krig with penis! Sexy Lady will be out of order!”
Hermes: “Please! This is very embarrassing!”
Sauda: “He’s a prude.”
Krig: “Krig understand. Old Gay Wizard Man is shy.”
Hermes: “I--!”
Neferkaptah: “The longer this charade goes on, the better my case is made. We all know how this will end.”
Hermes: “Never!”
Krig: “It okay. The Magic Man is pretty man, Krig thinks. You should ask for date!”
Sauda’s bellowing laugh was loud enough for everyone. Since no one else laughed.
Hermes: “This is hardly the place, your honour!”
Krig: “Right! Krig sorry. Krig’s court not place for dates. But in future, Old Gay Wizard Man will be brave and pick up boyfriend, yes?”
The sound of Neferkaptah’s face slamming his desk could be heard even through Sauda’s increased laughter.
Sauda: “Best. Court. Ever.”
Krig perked up at that.
Krig: “Good! Sexy Maniac leave comment in book on way out, yes?”
Neferkaptah: “What, exactly, do you intend to do with the book, Grecian?”
Hermes: “I would make magic easier, safer and more abundant for everyone to use. Not just the elite, who horde their knowledge and resources like misers. I will make magic free for everyone in the world.”
Neferkaptah: “And thereby destroy the world. Good plan.”
Hermes: “You are cynical, people are better than you imagine.”
Neferkaptah: “I do not imagine, I know. Even if there are thousands of good, honest people, who would never use magic for selfish gain – which is naïve, by the way – there is always someone ready to use it for ill. Á la me, or her.”
Hermes: “Everyone has access to spatulas--!”
Neferkaptah: “Stop saying spatula!”
Sauda: “Spatula, spatula, spatula--!”
Neferkaptah: “And right now is when I would use the book to blast you both into space!”
Hermes: “Your impulses should not reflect on everyone else!”
Neferkaptah: “I may be one man, but there are many more like me! It takes just one to get that book and lay misery upon us all!”
Krig: “Seems to Krig, only argument is destroy or use to give magic to all. Sexy Maniac no longer wants?”
Sauda: “I want it.”
Hermes: “She just wants it for herself, our claims are stronger.”
Sauda: “Oh!? Maybe I want to use it to heal that… stupid spanner back there!”
A quiet voice from the audience piped up;
Setne: “Heeeeeeeey.”
Krig: “Sexy Maniac Lady use book just to fix spanner?”
Sauda: “Not an actual spanner!”
Krig: “Spatula?”
Sauda: “No! Not a spatula either! I mean him! But you were right. Just to fix him. Funny that. Just one man. Is Hermes right? Just one man over many? Are you right, Hermes?”
Hermes: “I am sorry to say, I believe so. The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the one.”
Sauda: “Thing is, I don’t care about the many. I only care about this one. Only one I have ever cared about.”
Hermes: “I understand your love for this man. I do. You only just met, but I saw it in your eyes. Maybe love for Setne would even save you. Save you in a way that our adversary, Neferkaptah, wasn’t saved…”
Neferkaptah listened, bowed his head. He had to wonder if Hermes was right. All his life, he never had love for one single partner. Was that his ultimate failing? Would that have balanced him?
Hermes: “But saving the life of one man, versus the welfare of billions?”
Sauda: “Who says that it is just one man? He could change the world! Who knows!? His children could change the world. His grandchildren. A thousand years from now, his descendent could cure all diseases! One man can change the entire future.”
Hermes: “And there is a question of how trustworthy you are…”
Sauda: “What?”
Hermes: “If the judge rules in your favour, what then? Will you really restore Setne? Or will you use it for something more sinister? Something more befitting your character?”
Sauda: “You don’t know me!”
Hermes: “But I think I do! I was beguiled by your tricks once, but now the veil is lifted and I see you. You are, as he says, like Neferkaptah. Selfish and power-hungry. I would rather he have the book destroyed than hand it over to your dangerous hands.”
Sauda: “You do not trust me to follow through, but you trust him?”
Neferkaptah: “Trust isn’t necessary. You don’t need to give me the book. Just destroy the book yourself.”
Hermes: “I trust that he is sincere in his wish, yes.”
Sauda: “Well, screw you! You old bastards! Fine! You’re right. The only thing I ever wanted in my life is power and magic. Now, for the first time, I want something else. I want a man to love. It is selfish, I know. I may not be making a grand gesture in the name of humanity, like you two, but what I want is no less pure and no less important! What is the point of living is it isn’t to be selfish? If we do everything for the sake of an ideal, then we may as well be machines. Just plug us in and run us on autopilot. It’s our cravings, our personal desires that mean anything. Even your desire to help everyone, that’s your personal ambition at work! I want what I want. Even now, I don’t know what I will do with the book in my hands. I am telling the truth. Maybe I will use it to grant myself ultimate power. Or maybe I will use it to give myself what I want. What I really need… isn’t love as important as magic?”
Neferkaptah: “Well… perhaps…”
Krig: “Krig is moved.”
Hermes: “No! No! Absolutely not! Your love is not as important as the love of many. No matter how your heart breaks. With access to magic, many others will find love in place of you!”
Krig: “More chances for the book to be used in future, right? No more chances for dying man.”
Hermes: “But…”
Neferkaptah: “Have I wasted the last vestiges of my life?”
He looked up at Sauda.
Neferkaptah: “If you take this book to save him. Do not waste your life as I did…”
Krig: “Krig think ruling is found. Sexy Maniac gets book in the name of true love!”
A blink later.
Neferkaptah was still propped up against the wall. He looked up to see Sauda, with the book in her hands. He managed a weak smile.
Neferkaptah: “I die unfulfilled, so that you can love. At least there is poetry in this… learn from me.”
He then closed his eyes.
Hermes was distraught, on the other hand. He had believed himself on the verge of granting a great boon to all humanity, and now it was lost to him. He walked away, shuddering from adrenaline and disappointment.
Hatshepsut was admiring the broken skeletal remains of her own once love;
Hatshepsut: “Love is the strongest power in the universe. Now you know that. Greater than magic, greater than law, greater than divinity. It controls us, it binds us.”
Sauda looked down at Setne, still unconscious with internal bleeding. She knelt down beside him and put a hand on his sweet face. She understood, all too well, the controlling nature of love, how it had wormed its way into her through freak accident of misfired magic. It was like a parasite that ate at her, chomping and chomping. Forever hungry. She wanted this man, she needed this man, she would never be satisfied until she had it.
She opened the book as she looked at Hatshepsut’s eyes, and the sadness in them over the remains of the man she had treasured. The retreating Hermes, in the distance, alone and confused. The body of Neferkaptah, dead, yet still a husk of magical energies.
Sauda: “Learn from me, he said…”
She looked at Setne again. She didn’t know how she was supposed to phrase her words. Gods often liked to be cruel and hold wishers to the exact terminology used, resulting in curses rather than boons. But she doubted that the Book of Thoth would do this. Not only was Thoth not so capricious, the book had been used by Djer to great success.
Sauda: “I wish… to learn from him.”
Hatshepsut frowned as she looked up in confusion.
Sauda: “I claim all of the power of Prince Neferkaptah!”
Hatshepsut: “Fuck.”
There was a great crackle of magical energies as they blasted from the corpse of Neferkaptah and added to those of Sauda, the Powerful. She felt ecstasy, verging on orgasmic, as she was fuelled and empowered by her own considerable talent, now with the added strength of a great and terrible wizard of old. She indulged in a good, old fashioned evil laugh as she languidly allowed her head to loll and the sunlight to tickle her skin.
Hatshepsut: “You treacherous--!! You dog! How were we so easily duped!?”
Sauda lazily rolled her eyes to look at the former pharaoh, powerful daughter of the gods. Sauda admired this woman greatly, to the extent that Hatshepsut was a muse of sorts. A fine example of a woman taking and remaining in power in a world of men. Sauda smiled gayly.
Sauda: “You weren’t! I didn’t know I would do that. Another split second, maybe I would have saved… him.”
A pang of regret.
She put her hands on him.
Sauda: “But… he could never have loved me anyway. I could save his life, but he would not stay with me. I am… as proven… flawed.”
Hatshepsut: “This will not stand!”
The mummy lurched at Sauda and managed to grab the book. Sauda merely flicked her wrist and Hatshepsut burst apart like a soggy, old, fart of decayed gas. A poor way to go for a woman of such magnificence.
Sauda: “I am the all-powerful.”
She looked at the book. According to the rules, she would not be able to use it again. But she wondered how true that was, or if she could circumvent it. She could force peons into making wishes she commanded them to make. One after another. Wish after wish. But where to start? She could wish for Setne back after all! Perhaps even force him to love her. With the power inside, she imagined she must be the most powerful mage in the world, perhaps greater than Circe, at last. With the book, she would be a god.
Voice: “So, the prince was right in the end.”
Sauda turned with a sudden blast of pure magic at whoever dared sneak up on her. The blast, however, poofed out of existence as it approached the stranger.
Thoth: “Humanity should not have this tool. I genuinely believed in you. And you, Sauda, have proved to be a bitter disappointment…”
She knew he was the deity and rightful owner of the book the moment she saw him, yet she still felt him to be a stranger with no authority to bestow his verdict upon her. But then she felt the book slip from her hands. It was gone. She used magic to trace it, as though it might be invisible or moved across space-time. But no. It was truly gone.
Sauda: “Well. I got what I wanted.”
Thoth: “Yes. But what you needed now lies dead.”
She looked down. Setne was now most still and grave. Asleep even. Beyond her reach. Images then passed before her eyes; the life she might have led had she brought him back. Happiness, friendship, trust. Instead, she had chosen power, paranoia, jealousy. But she did not regret it now. She felt only coldness upon her heart.
Thoth: “Just remember. It won’t last. Nothing does. Entropy comes for everything. Humans, mages, gods, demons, the Multiverse itself. It will all end.”
He was gone.
She looked from the dead bodies of the two men who influenced this moment to the third, who was now in the distance. He had walked away alone, but he was now met by Meretseger and seemed to be consoled by her words.
Sauda looked around her. There was no one on her side.
References[]
External References[]
- ↑ Mexican standoff article, Wikipedia.
- ↑ The Good, the Bad and the Ugly article, Wikipedia.