In Leg Post 10 Xerxes Rumplekirk and Aellah are travelling aboard a starliner but Xerxes finds the experience dull and uninteresting. The starliner is suddenly attacked by a gang of pirates led by a Cameeli woman named Tsou de Ming. She steals Xerxes Discharding compass and flees after some banter between her and the gentleman. Xerxes is determined to get his property back and Aellah uses his ruhand to force open the cabin door. Once beyond they find passengers being harangued by more pirates for their valuables.



Xerxes Rumplekirk and Aellah are sitting together on a starliner, which they boarded at the spaceport that the Aeon Lords' shuttle took them to. Now in deep space, Xerxes is fidgeting restlessly, while Aellah is wolfing down complimentary turnips and admiring a nearby nebula through the viewport.

Aellah: Gosh, isn't this beautiful?

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Yeah, but boring. I am a gentleman adventurer, not a sheep! ...also there are no daring women to romance on this flight.

Random Passenger #1: Shhh! I can't hear the in-flight holomovie!

Aellah and Xerxes blithely ignore him.

Aellah: I mean, you could always stir up some trouble if you're that bored.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: I find it ever so slightly disturbing that you smile that blissfully while suggesting that.

Aellah: I'd apologize, but you'd no doubt find it equally disturbing.

Xerxes takes what is apparently a pocketwatch on a chain out of his vest. Upon flipping it open, it more resembles a compass. That is, if a compass unfolded into an arcane contraption boasting 5 faces with multiple dials, indicators, and flashing lights.

Aellah: Say, that's pretty neat, what is it?

Xerxes Rumplekirk: My compass. Was a gift from the Grand Duchess Diggleton to my sister, but Zimma's hopeless when it comes to esotericatronics, so she let me have it instead. Oooh! Looks like something interesting is nearby!

Aellah: Really? What's that?

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Hmm, coming from that direction...wait, the distance is further than the bounds of this ship--

With a sudden boom, the starliner shudders. The lights go out, but are quickly replaced by red emergency lights.

Aellah: Oh hey, there's a star galleon next to us! Pirates!

Xerxes peers out the viewport around Aellah's head, and sees that indeed a medium-sized cruiser (smaller than the gargantuan starliner) is adjacent to them. He can't see the ship's name, but there is a stylized star with two crossbones - the galactic symbol for pirates.

Random Passenger #2: Forget the pirates. They interrupted the movie, dammit!

Xerxes hops up and dashes down the aisle, followed a split second later by Aellah.

Stewardess: Please stay calm, everyone--

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Calm? This is exciting!

Stewardess: Sir, please return to your seat--

The door at the end of the compartment opens, and in come three menacing figures. One is a cyborg Grey. The second is a feline Fiolxon. The third, and tallest, is a woman with three eyes and bright green skin. Her black hair is in long dreadlocks falling past her voluptuous hips. She wears an outfit not dissimilar to Captain Jack Sparrow's[Ext 1] (although Johnny Depp[Ext 2] doesn't wear stiletto heels), and a pet gryphon sits on her shoulder.

Green Woman: Look lively, everyone! You're looking at the most fearsome pirate this side of the Myst Sector!

Random Passenger #3: *gasp* Kaptin Kwanzaa???

The green pirate woman scowls, her body briefly turning a shade of light purple, and promptly blasts the offending pasenger.[/i]

Green Woman: I am way better than that two-bit skeleton! He hasn't robbed half the giant starliners that I have! I am Captain Tsou de Ming! Master of the Bloated Scallywag, fastest star galleon in the galaxy! Scourge of the Seven Sectors! Piratrix extraordinaire! And--

Xerxes Rumplekirk: And very beautiful.

Tsou de Ming turns a very startled shade of blue, then looks put out that her list of epithets was interrupted, but given that it was for a compliment, chooses not to blast him.

Tsou de Ming: Flattery will not save you, civilian!

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Tis no flattery, but simple truth, Suzie m'dear!

The other two pirates guffaw, but quickly quell their laughter when Tsou de Ming glares at them.

Tsou de Ming: My name is Tsou, not Sue, and most certainly not Suzie. You shall address me as Captain Tsou de Ming!

Xerxes Rumplekirk: You are far more dashing and daring and dazzling--

Aellah: Also a violent psychopath probably, given how she fried that poor bastard without provocation...

Tsou de Ming: Hey! Nameless bystanders who exist only for the sake of a joke don't count!

Xerxes Rumplekirk: --than anyone here!

Tsou de Ming's skin turns a pleased shade of orange, but her mouth works uncertainly, unsure how to respond to this unusual civilian.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Can I hitch a ride with you, Suzie? It'd be a more of a hoot than this liner!

Tsou de Ming turns dark purple, her visage darkening.

Tsou de Ming: You do not make demands of me! And my name is Captain Tsou de Ming!

Xerxes spreads his arms expansively in a gesture of placation.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: I'm sure we can come to an understanding--

Tsou de Ming: We sure can! That looks valuable. Gimme!

Xerxes Rumplekirk: I beg your--

He yelps as Tsou de Ming yanks his compass from his hand.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Hey! Give that back!

Tsou de Ming: This will do nicely. Ciao!

She and the two goons with her step back through the compartment door and slap the button to close it before Xerxes or Aellah can react. The sound of a blaster shot frying the controls can be heard.

Aellah: Well, that's unfortunate. Still, with the three eyes and color-changing skin, I'd bet she's a Cameeli. Purple means they're angry. Actually they turn purple when they're turned on too, so there's an even chance you've still got a shot with her!

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Argh! I demand you come back here this instant, Suzie!

He pounds on the door. Meanwhile, everyone else in the compartment bursts into applause.

Random Passenger #4: He saved us!

Random Passenger #5: Annoyed her so much she left without robbing the rest of us!

Random Passenger #6: Shame about Random Passenger #3 though...

Stewardess: My hero!

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Never mind that! My compass!

He starts bashing on the compartment door with his cane.

Aellah: That cane will break before the door does, you know.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Smiling blissfully while stating unhelpful things just comes off as smug. Also, this was crafted by an Engineer in Discharding! It's unbreakable! It's a marvel of clockwork artistry! It's--

The cane snaps in two.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: It's not my cane.

He hands it back to a perplexed old hian fellow and manages to accept his actual cane from Aellah's proffered hand with some dignity.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Er, I can reimburse you for the cane, sir. And for the trouble!

He rummages through his waistcoast for some no-doubt-priceless Discharding coinage, but Aellah steps forward.

Aellah: That won't help him get around until he gets a new one. Sir, if you'll allow it, I can grant your limbs some strength. It will be temporary, a few days at most, but will help you get around until you find a new cane.

The old barkskinned man nods uncertainly, and Aellah concentrates. Vigor surges into the old man's limbs, and he yelps in surprised glee as he stands up without any aches or creaks.

Old Hian Man: Amazing!

More applause. This time the stewardess swoons for Aellah. Wow, she's fickle.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Again, sorry for the trouble, sir.

He gives the old fellow a small bag of coins, before returning to banging on the compartment door, this time with his unbreakable cane.

Aellah: Allow me.

Aellah ignites his neon pink ruhand - eliciting murmurs of 'Aeon Knight!' from the passengers - and slices through the door.

Aellah: I believe you have a compass to retrieve?

Xerxes Rumplekirk: What did I tell you about being smug? Er, sorry about the door, too.

He tosses another small bag of valuable coins to the stewardess, before he and Aellah dash through the hole in the door into the next compartment. They run down the aisles through several compartments - the starliner is quite large - but fortunately Tsou de Ming didn't seal any of the other doors.

Unfortunately, some more of her pirate goons are in the other compartments, taking jewelry off the passengers at blasterpoint.

Xerxes Rumplekirk: Stay your greedy paws! No gentleman adventurer would see innocents divested of what is rightfully theirs!

One of the pirates blinks at Xerxes uncomprehendingly. The other four goons in that compartment just raise their blasters and start firing...


NSP: Anyone is free to continue this action scene if they wish! However, please don't delve much into Xerxes Rumplekirk's background, as I have some details in mind for that, which I will write in a later post.

Also, please don't off Captain Tsou de Ming {"Suzie"), as I plan for her to be a recurring character in Xerxes and Aellah's adventures, as well as a combination of rival and love interest for Xerxes. Thanks!


External References

  1. Jack Sparrow article, Wikipedia.
  2. Johnny Depp article, Wikipedia.
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